Happy New Year, there's a hole in my ceiling.
3 weeks to fix, three weeks of pipes, themselves revealing.
Pop laid up with a broken hip
I'm trying to hold things together like a tie clip.
So when they found cancer on the bone and like that he was gone, man I know I'm grown, but I still groaned.
And felt so alone, like the One on the throne had got up and flown.
Felt so much pressure on my shoulders,
Fundraising, studying, and getting older.
It was gettin real heavy tryin to carry all these Boulders.
The year was looking bleak at the start,
The whole picture strange and confusing like abstract art.
Everything falling apart, and on top of this cake, spread the icing of a broken heart.
She was beautiful to me,
But the secret depths I couldn't see.
Saying she care for you,
Hiding a stinger like a bee.
Said there was something I'm missing
Then took it back to cover the dissing.
I really ain't mad, just reminiscing.
Said nice things, I just don't think she beleived 'em.
Because I tried to give it wings, but she wouldn't receive 'em.
Fancied herself out of reaach for me,
At least that's how it seemed to be, but only secretly.
Hidden pride and vanity,
Saying it's unfortunate for me.
Got stupid twisted up over her,
Had me feeling like a last resort,
Like that's all I was good for,
I ain't holdin a grudge, just stating where I was before.
All this messing with my mentality,
No idea how I could be,
Undesirable in totality,
Was it my personality?
Maybe my sexuality, or informality,
Or maybe it was just a technicality.
Whatever it was, I had in mind my own mortality.
But then I saw a miracle,
Actually many.
Flew around this blue-green spherical,
Yahweh providing the pennies.
Living and working in a foreign land,
Movin through oceans and jungles, and pretty beach sand.
Bathing in rivers, and being delivered
From pain and despair,
God showing again that He really does care,
And will always hold me close, even when there's no one else here.
Plus 9 gorgeous girls, surrounding me for 6 weeks,
Confirming and affirming why I should be ignoring when the self-hatred begins to sneak.
And this one in particular had some kissable cheeks.
Curly hair, long legs, and a smile that makes you weak.
Plus these pretty blue-brown eyes,
They piercin right through me, so why wear a disguise?
And we could dance up a storm,
She moved perfectly w/my frame, this girl was not the norm.
Smart, fun, and real pretty,
Those eyes like 2 doves, and that humor so witty.
So I had to take me a chance,
After under the stars, we did the Rumba and Swing dance.
Plus a 2-step and Fox Trot,
Didn't know what I felt, but man she was hot.
Then watched the sunrise together,
Held her hand and felt skin soft as a feather.
Started feeling myself breaking free from that tether.
A bath in warm mud, then rinsing off skin,
What was happening here? Saw God's protection from sin.
Then the airport coffee date, and the kiss to beat.
Short Swing dance, "I love you," and a heart that just leaped.
Know Pop is at peace,
Know time is God's keeps,
Know that He is so strong,
And I am so so weak.
Know God has a plan,
Know I don't need to understand,
Know that through everything, He's made me a man.
Know to be pursuing His Will,
Know I need help still,
Know He's in control morning noon and night,
Probably don't know much else, but the future is bright!
I thank the LORD this Thanksgiving,
For above all else, the fact I'm still living.
And for teaching me not to be angry when others give hurt, I need my own forgiving.
For showing me a new standard of living,
That's not measured by black and red, but by loving, caring, giving.
And for what He plans for the future,
Whatever it may be.
For His healing suture,
Because after so long, I can see.
